Track Mangoes

The only justifiable usage of the word "gay" as a synonym for "stupid" is the one in conjunction with any discussion of Notre Dame's football team. Case in point, Irish QB Jimmy Clausen.

I could expound on the myriad injustices Clausen has brought against culture, but instead I will just direct you straight to his myspace page. He is a Virgo, in case you were wondering.

Now don't get me wrong. Football is great. I often think of myself as a free-safety, constantly roaming the field, scanning the players, being furtive, until, WHAM, you take someone down when they least expect it. Gay men and lots of women, I feel, through their inattention to football have missed out on an education in strategy. The reason conservative women like Clinton, Palin, Rice and Reno have enjoyed so much success in Washington is due, in part, to the fact that these women grew up around football, around strategy. I almost want to liken the sport to military tactic. But I digress. No one should miss out on a well rounded education in ass-kicking.

Maybe if I start watching football again I will be able to finish that novel. Or, worst comes to worst, I'll jut get a boner.

Now maybe someone can explain to me Brady Quinn.